Episode 232: Wear what you want to wear, with Marlee of Style Me Slowly

Welcome to Clotheshorse, the podcast that has major vegetable garden plans this year.

I’m your host, Amanda and this is episode 232. And wow, are you in for a treat this week! My guest is someone you have met in the past, Marlee of Style Me Slowly, a podcast that features size inclusive sustainable brands. And in addition to that, Marlee is a styling coach who helps her clients find “closet contentment” by discovering their personal, sustainable style.

And we are going to talk about a lot of important stuff this week:

• Why “flattering” is kind of a myth (and puts the focus on the wrong person’s happiness)
• The challenges of breaking up with the “rules” we have been taught about what we can and cannot wear
• Why understanding what you really want to wear is a very important part of the slow fashion way of life.
• Marlee’s recommended process for understanding your personal style

And so much more!

Before we jump into that conversation, I just wanted to make a brief announcement: Clotheshorse is officially traveling to the Pacific Northwest in October for two shows:

• Thursday, October 23 at the Here-After in Seattle (it’s part of The Crocodile)
• Sunday, October 26 at Holocene in Portland. 

I don’t have many more details for you yet in terms of times, guests, etc. I’m just starting to work on that now. Tickets won’t be on sale for a few months, but I will let you know as soon as they are. If these shows go well, I want to do a larger tour next year.   Also–I really wanted to do LA or SF as part of this group of shows, but unfortunately my booking manager doesn’t really have contacts in those cities, so if you literally know someone who works at a venue that could work for Clotheshorse (something for about 100 people), drop me a line!

I may do an additional one day “jamboree” style event on Saturday, 10/25 in Portland depending on interest, location, etc…so stay tuned for that.

Obviously all of these plans could change if things get weird in the world, but for now, this is the plan.  And I’m working with my booking manager to keep prices as low as we can while still making sure everyone gets paid…obviously the venue and my manager need to get paid. I would like to at least break even on the travel expenses for getting myself and Dustin there.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I have bought and worn a lot of clothes that I just never loved. Things that felt like costumes for fitting in. The uniform for being respected and taken seriously. What I felt others wanted me to wear based on the character I was playing in their lives. These clothes moved in and out of my life way too fast. I didn’t feel comfortable in them. They were never exactly what I wanted to wear.  

Knowing what you really truly like to wear and want to wear…and then ACTUALLY wearing those items over and over again…well that’s actually super radical in a fast fashion world.  You’re telling the world a lot of important things when you do that:

• Fuck trends
• Fuck “style rules”
• Fuck what you think is flattering
• Fuck what people say someone my age, size, gender is supposed to wear
• And fuck this notion that I need a steady stream of new clothes

And yeah, these seem like kinda obvious and basic things when we say them out loud, but the reality is that the fast fashion machine relies on us following trends, listening to these “rules” about what we are allowed to wear, and feeling like we periodically have to reboot our entire wardrobe because we passed a certain birthday.   

Knowing and trusting our personal style is a key part of ending overconsumption.  Yes, wearing clothes that you actually like is super important!

Today Marlee is going to guide us through how we can figure that out…so let’s jump right in!

Thanks to Marlee for spending some time with us today. I’ll share all of her contact info in the show notes, including her podcast Style Me Slowly and more information about her style coaching services. 

Also: as part of the process of finding “closet contentment” via your own unique-to-you personal style, you might find that you are going to part with some things that you never wear.  And that’s okay! Let’s get those items into the hands of someone who really wants to wear them!  It’s a great opportunity to do some “mindful rehoming.” While it’s easy and convenient to jam your unwanted stuff into a donation bin, the odds of it being used/worn by another person are really slim. So rehome within your friends & family, via your local Buy Nothing group, mutual aid groups, or other organizations. You can also try reselling on Poshmark, Vinted, Depop, etc.  Or you could join one of the brand specific buy/sell/trade groups on Facebook.  You could also take your unwanted clothes to a consignment shop or a place like Buffalo Exchange.  Or donate them to a local thrift store that really will put them out on the sales floor!  

We know that nothing is disposable. Be aware that the easiest way of rehoming stuff for you may not be so easy for the people, animals, and plants living “downstream” from your unwanted stuff. Mindful Rehoming is worth the time and effort!

I’m going to wrap this all up with a letter I shared on social media a few weeks ago.  I’ve been meaning to share it for weeks, but I’ve been coughing up a storm (thanks, Dustin). So here goes…

I want to talk to you about someone really important…YOU!

How are you feeling right now?

I can’t remember a moment this year where I didn’t feel this sense of churning fear and anger.  It feels like a stomachache combined with a headache and I don’t even know if those parts actually ache at all.  It’s just there.  Even when I’m busy working or doing something that brings me joy, it’s still there, humming in the background.  It makes it hard to truly feel anything else.

I feel trapped. I often feel powerless. And there are moments where I just don’t know how I will get through another day.

So if you’re feeling something similar, know that you are not alone.

There is nothing worse than feeling powerless, feeling trapped in an unfair and unjust world and feeling as if there is nothing you can do.  In fact, that makes everything around you feel 1000X scarier and suddenly you’re rooting for societal collapse because then at least the worst thing will be here and you don’t have to worry about it any more.   

The thing is…we are not doomed…unless we just give up and do nothing.

Right now, the worst people, corporations, and systems are counting on us burning out, giving up, and becoming compliant.

They think we are weak, selfish, and lazy. 

They think we don’t have any fight in us. 

They think we can be distracted with the next shiny object, whether that’s a new streaming series or something new to buy.

They are wrong.

In times like this, I find that I have to work a little bit harder to be “okay.” I have to remind myself of why it’s important to push forward. To get through this. To not give up.

I am not a spiritual person, but my life is full of meaning, purpose, and faith.

I find meaning through the relationships and human connections I have been lucky to find as I move through my life. The people and animals I know remind me every day of how magical life is, how lucky we are to know and love (or at least, really like) one another.

I find purpose through the work I do to educate others, solve problems, and (hopefully) help build a better future.  Sometimes the projects and results are big, and other times they are as small and simple as showing someone how to use a spreadsheet. It all matters to me.

I find faith in other people. In our ability to build, create, and innovate. In the unmatchable power we have when we all work together toward a common purpose.  I believe that truly terrible people are a very small minority, far outnumbered by people who just want everyone they love to be safe, healthy, and happy.

I believe that we can build the world we want, but only if we do it together. 

I want you to take some time to consider these questions:

Where do you find your meaning, purpose, and faith?

What do you need to help you get through this?

How can the people around you give you the strength to keep fighting?

How can you offer strength to those around you?

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

And recognize that rest and joy are an important part of resistance (and maintaining the strength to face each day). Get sleep. Take naps. Eat food that makes you happy. Do completely unserious things. Laugh, daydream, and make up elaborate backstories for all of the animals you know (highly recommended).

And wake up each day knowing that things are hard. They are scary. They are infuriating and unjust and just truly fucked up.  

But also wake up knowing that you are not alone.  That we are fighting this fight together.  The work is kinda endless. Because even after we tackle one problem, there will be others.  And there will always be the work of reminding others why we can’t let these things happen again. 

Progress will never be linear.  Four steps forward are often followed by one step back.  There will be good times. There will be bad times. And neither will last forever.

Yes, the world gets scarier every day. The list of things to scare and enrage us seems to be growing exponentially. Yet I still believe that we can and will get through this together.

Every one of us has an important role to play here. Individual action DOES matter, despite what you might be told elsewhere. Can one person change the world on their own? Probably not. But when working alongside thousands and millions of other people, change is inevitable.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for being here. And thank you for all of the good things you do.